Halfwit Highway Patrol - The Accident

Proceeding to the on-ramp of a major local highway (one of the four sides of a lighted intersection), I approach the strip mall entrance nearest the intersection. It's on my right.

My stupidity radar rings an alarm. I see Tweedle-Dumb about to do something well within his nature.

Tweedle-Dumb, forgetting to activate his X-Ray vision, starts to pull out, trying to go left. I can see the nose of his car, but he can't see any of mine - a large vehicle is very slowly entering the driveway, blocking his view of oncoming traffic. He also apparently forgot to activate his normal vision, since there was another vehicle directly in front of him, in the middle turn lane of the 5-lane road, waiting to turn into the driveway - and therefore had the right-of-way.

Can't go left, can't go straight ahead, doesn't want to go right. So what does our mindless hero do?

Tweedle-Dumb guns it.

I honk and slow down.

Tweedle-Dumb stops his car, three feet into my lane. I continue slowing down, preparing to move into the left lane to get around this idiot. He pauses, then starts to back up.

Tweedle-Dumber, next in line behind Tweedle-Dumb and hot to trot, rear-ends Tweedle-Dumb and bounces back a little. Tweedle-Dumb, now in a panic, continues reversing and smacks into Tweedle-Dumber.

I move into the left lane, giving the double-moron twins a wide berth, and start giggling as I get on the highway.

It's not often I get a front row seat to a competition of the imbeciles.

Written by Andrew Ittner in misc on Thu 29 April 2004. Tags: commentary, entertainment